I’ve always believed that what you say out loud about yourself, sends out vibrations into the universe which then makes it true. Like saying ‘I will always be alone’, you will end up doing things both consciously and subconsciously that when put together encourages an isolated life. Therefore, I have been really trying to say positive things and accept positivity from other people towards me. Even if I don’t believe these things that I’m saying 100%, most of the time it’s only 50%, I still try and say them often because eventually I will end up doing things both consciously and subconsciously that will make it true.
I’m getting better at talking about myself in a positive way, for example if I didn’t do as well in something, I would say ‘Well done for giving it 100%, remember that my worth is in who I am, not what I do. Now, let’s look at what did I do well and let’s see what I can improve on for the next time’.
However, I notice that my inside voice is still quite negative. For an introvert, looking inward is what we do to figure out the outside world. That’s all good when it comes to external matters, but I’m beginning to realize that when it comes to thoughts about myself, I cannot trust them. My mouth will be saying something positive, but my mind will be disagreeing the whole way through as I’m speaking. That’s because I haven’t put the same effort in training my inner thoughts. No wonder I only believe what I’m saying ‘50%’ of the time. I have to take the negativity that comes from within seriously. I’ve been testing this idea these past few weeks and I think I’m getting somewhere. For example, I know I’m really nervous for my upcoming move to a new city, so my mind sort of runs in circles at night which brings anxiety and not much sleep. I know that once I move, I won’t have a problem sleeping, it’s just the nerves. However when I get up in the morning after a sleepless night, my attitude, my thoughts specifically are ‘great, today is going to be a rubbish day because I’m going to be too tired to do anything’. Guess what? I end up having the most depressing and least productive day.
This has been happening for weeks, so one day I decided to intentionally change my attitude to ‘even if I don’t have a great sleep tonight, I’m going to have a great day tomorrow!’. The next day I woke up tired of course, but I didn’t have that feeling of dread, I was looking forward to the day. It was like as if a barrier had been removed. Things didn’t have to be one way because something didn’t work out as planned. I worked with my situation instead of running away from it or bashing myself for it. I still did the things that made me happy to get into the mood but altered them to accommodate the fact that I was a little low on energy. Like exercise, I went for an extended walk instead of my usual run. I decided to start taking iron tablets to help boost my energy levels up. I had a really productive day and all it took was changing my perspective on the situation. There were so many solutions to my problems, it’s just I didn’t give myself the opportunity to see the solutions because I always believed in the negativity that acted as the excuses.
What you think and say about yourself matters equally. If you believe certain things about yourself on the inside they will show on the outside even if you are saying something else completely different. For example, if you don’t believe you’re attractive, there’s not enough makeup, plastic surgery or beauty treatments in the world to make you feel truly beautiful from the inside out. I’ve met people who truly believe they are ugly without makeup (trust me they aren’t). However, they’re still constantly calling themselves ugly and it doesn’t matter how many complements I give or how beautiful I think they are, they do not believe it. Even though they’re makeup makes them attractive, it doesn’t make them feel beautiful. Beauty has to be felt from the inside out to be truly attractive. People pick up on that, because even if you don’t mean it to it comes off as being inauthentic to yourself.
I’ve learn that I have to do the hard work first and that is working on positivity from within. This includes practicing self-compassion by accepting that I’m going to try things that may not work out. And sometimes they won’t, it doesn’t make me any less of a person, it just makes me human. Once I master positivity from within, I know that my inner thoughts will consciously and subconsciously manifest into positive actions that will benefit both myself and others.