I’ve heard the term ‘be your own friend’ so many times and I never really grasped what it meant. I understood somewhat that it’s a suggestion to treat yourself how you treat others. For me, the concept still felt so detached/confusing partly because I thought of it literally. How can one be one’s own best friend?  made no sense.

I’ve been reading, listening and watching things about loneliness. This YouTuber he said something like…you can’t expect to meet someone and they turn out to be your best friend, your special friend, the one that gets you. It’s unfair to put those types of expectations on them. Then you’re so quick to dismiss them because you believe they aren’t the one. I realized I do this, then I justify it with well no one really understands me, I’m just different (Blaghh) then I’m miserable.

Sometime after being immersed in this loneliness research, it hit me that no one really will or truly can understand you. I’ve always believed that if I had this “special” imaginary person that could know me inside out then I will finally be happy. All my problems will suddenly vanish. But yes even if you meet someone who empathizes and feels more than most, maybe they’re even sensitive to peoples emotions and just being around people drains them mentally. This person can never truly understand what you’re going through. The best that you can do is explain to them the situation and hope they can visualize how it feels. Regardless, no matter how kind and emotionally intelligent this person is, they will have never experienced what you have experienced. They will never truly understand. They have to have experienced it too.

Yet even then, the experience of the event will be subjective.  Let’s say you both were in car accident, one person when asked how they felt as the car was toppling over might answer I thought I was about to die and the other might answer I was ready to die. Or something less gory. See the first one has a glimmer of hope and the second chose to accept there was no hope (likely me) So how you experience something is up to you, your instincts that have been developed from all your past experiences and of course the psychological/genetic traits that you inherited.

I think it’s in accepting that no one can be your savior or, that you’ll meet someone that truly gets you or be your “best friend” will finally help you realize or accept that the only person that can truly be your best friend is you.

I’m sort of feel relieved that I don’t have to find this “one” person that I’m meant to be with or be my best friend. That really I’m in control of my own happiness. The reason that I feel hopeless, depressed or whatever soul/mind numbing emotion that I’m experiencing right now is my choice. Ofcourse I didn’t choose for things to happen to me, but I did choose how I would react to them. And I chose to be the most shittiest friend I could be to myself. That’s the hardest pill to swallow, because now I know that my happiness has always depended on me, no one else.

Now I have to go figure out how to be my own best friend.


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